First, Thank you.
Thank you all who choose my work. You are supporting a creative, hard-working mom who's wanted this for so long. To create art and help others. To live my fullest potential.
In 2014, I quit my job. In 2015 I couldn't afford to live on my own anymore and moved in with family. I started from the bottom now I'm here. It was the darkest 3 years of my life. I felt like a failure. How could i go backwards after having a good job? I used to be married. I was supposed to start a successful business then quit then have a family and buy a house. But my life spiraled. This wasn't supposed to happen to me. I beat myself up a lot for being in that place in my life. I really felt ashamed. But that is where my business started. I wouldn't be here today had I chosen the safe and comfortable road. To keep my job and have a daycare raise my son. I am an INFJ which means i need my space clean and organized in order to create. I am an introvert which means I need to be quiet and alone a lot to decompress and create. That was not available for me for those 3 years. I was not in my comfort zone and being creative was hard for me. It was during those 3 years that I had a secret pregnancy that ended with a secret miscarriage. That followed with a cancer scare, dozens of doctors appointments. I got to meet an oncologist for the first time and see the real scary stuff of life. I finally got cleared after 1 year.
I got to live in a house and when everyone would be gone on vacation I would clean the entire house and pretend it was my house. My very own 5 bedroom house and I was in heaven. There was more flashes of light that I found and I held on to during the darkness. I forced myself to be more present and even miss the days that I lived there. I pictured the future and how I would actually miss having 4 kids in my room watching a movie on my bed. Or being there with my niece and nephews everyday. I would miss the backyard and watching my son play outside with all the kids. So I got more present. I will miss all this light. I moved myself to the light and I spent less time in the darkness.
search for the light
I just kept dreaming of the one day i would move out again and have my life back. But I knew that God or the Universe wouldn’t let me go anywhere until I found the light in that darkness. I kept asking myself why am I here? What do I need to learn from this so I can finally leave? And I knew it was that. I could only see the darkness.
So I searched for the light. When things got really bad where people were yelling and arguing, That is when I searched the hardest. “What could be worse than this?” I would ask myself. And I could easily come up with more horrible scenarios. In an instant I felt grateful for my situation. It was a walk in the park in comparison to what else is out there that I could not handle. When things calmed down I kept searching. “What else?” Well, I have a roof over my head that I don’t pay for or have to worry about. What else? My mom is helping me pay my bills until I can do it on my own again. What else? My son has bonded with his 3 cousins who he called his brothers and sister until I kept correcting him because that’s how close they became. What else?
take the leap
And it was very quickly after that, the window of opportunity knocked and the Universe said to me “it’s time. It is time to move out” I didn't feel ready. I was scared something would go wrong again and I'd have to come crawling back like a failure. But I trusted the guidance. With the help and support of my son’s dad, I very quickly found the perfect apartment that had everything I wanted. I moved out months sooner than I imagined. After I moved out, I found more darkness. But I chose to see it from a new light. I learned from it and overcame it. It's not possible to live without darkness. Darkness is our teacher. We must not dwell on it or let it kill our light. We must just go through it. With practice, we can embrace it. (As I write this a mockingbird, now two mockingbirds came to my window to say hello. I haven't seen them in many months, and they are my favorite bird. This is a sign from the Universe that I am on the right path!)
I once again want to tell you all thank you for supporting my dream, it is because of you I was able to quit my freelance job and focus on creating more card decks. It is all the messages comments and reviews that I receive that keep me going. Everything I experience, I use as inspiration for my card decks. And I trust that that is part of the reason I go through the hard times. I know I am meant to hold that torch and lead those who need to see the light through my cards.
God only gives you what you can handle. It is all for you. Life is our teacher and everything we go through is a lesson. We are always in school. The lessons are there. The light is there. I want to remind you to always search for that light. There is always light in the darkness and I want you to carry a flashlight as a reminder and stay in the light because things do get better but sometimes we must see darkness and hit rock bottom before we can see that light. Choose to see that light every day. For many of you, you are meant to carry that light for others after your darkness. May you all find the light in 2020 And have the best year yet.
Happy New Year
I wanted to move to California for 19 years...But something held me back for so long.
Yesterday marks my 9 year anniversary since I got on my 1-way flight to Oceanside, California and never looked back.
When I was 8, my family came to New York from Russia. I immediately realized the cold weather was not for me. I hated it. Then one day I saw Baywatch on TV and I knew wherever that is, that was where I belong and knew one day I would live there. I had no idea at the time where that was. When I was in my 20's I used to dream about driving a car in LA with my windows down listening to music. I was always too scared to drive when I lived in New York, but I really wanted to learn and could see myself enjoying it.
19 years later, my sister’s husband passed away and she decided to move to Oceanside, CA with her 2 babies who I desperately loved. I desperately wanted to be close to. At the time I was tied down by a full-time job in New York and a husband who after 8 years, was still not ready to move that far away with me. Then I suddenly lost my job 3 weeks later my marriage fell apart. Just like that my life was shattered, and just like that I was free. After crying in bed for a week with minimal food, I picked myself up and booked my 1 way ticket to California. I was forced to learn how to drive immediately after moving here and 8 months later, I bought my very first car and I drove it allover with my windows down blasting loud music. I was living my dream! What a surreal feeling!
If it wasn’t for all 3 devastating events, I’d never be where I am today. You see, I would never have made that leap on my own. But my heart knew I belonged here and some way or another, fate would bring me here. Sometimes, some devastating events have to occur in your life to get you out of your comfort zone, to get you to make a giant change in your life to get to where you truly belong.
If you haven't met me yet, I'm Deja. A 35-year old artist and mom to a 4 year old boy. Becoming a mother was never anything I had planned or even dreamed about. It was a huge surprise and life changer that I am beyond grateful for. But it wasn't easy at first. In fact, it was absolutely terrifying and exhausting. At the time, all of my family lived out of state or at least 2 hours away, so it was just me most of the time and I had some help from my son's dad. But it didn't feel enough. It was overwhelming.
I know not a lot of moms can relate to me. Especially those who have help from husbands, parents, siblings or nannies. But I didn't have that kind of help most of the time and I had to focus on not only raising a son, but growing a business from home because when my son was born, I also made the decision to quit my full-time job and be with my son. This was not a popular decision among my family which led me to move in with my sister, boyfriend and their 3 kids. I went from a cozy apartment to a house with 7 people. It was not an easy adjustment because I still didn't allow others to help me, I had trust issues and my son was very attached to me and I honored that.
Even 1 year later, I still didn't have a grip on my new life. I was very protective of my son and had a very hard time letting others watch him which was probably the reason I was so worn out. It felt like every time I went to shower or take a bath, my son would cry. I even tried to keep him in his little rocker next to my bathtub and he would still cry. This new life, the hormones, led to post-partum depression and many tears. Luckily, I came out of that on my own.
For the last 5 years, I have been on the search of my life purpose. If you read my previous blogs, then you may know that I had everything going for me back then. I had a good job as a graphic artist at an apparel company in Los Angeles. However, after learning everything I could at that position, I felt I needed something more challenging and more fulfilling. The truth is, I felt a deep desire to do something greater in the world. I've always had a deep desire to help people but I didn't know how. Mainly, I loved motivating people. I loved drawing and being creative but I got tired of constantly producing new art one after the next. Something about it felt unsettling to me. I love to draw and loved creating designs for garments. I watched my niece get so excited to wear my designs, she showed them off and told everyone that her aunt drew that. But after a while I became sort of overwhelmed and drained with the idea that we have to keep creating over and over and those designs would only be at the store for a few weeks. After that, your beautiful art that you spent so much time heart and soul designing and creating, would be taken off the department floor never to be seen or worn again. And I was on to the next design.
Hi, I'm Deja! Helping others has always been a huge priority in my life for many years. I also really want to be my own boss! It was so obvious to me I loved inspiring others and motivating my friends, but I didn't know how to apply it to a business or my life's purpose. I had tons of ideas whispering inside me, but I always held myself back waiting for someone else’s approval. Then like magic, the Universe delivers me a Queen of Cups (a caring, noble woman in tarot cards) who without knowing what I’ve been thinking and wanting to do, tells me to go do those exact things. I trust her guidance because everything she has suggested is in line with all of the ideas I’ve wanted to do for as long as I can remember.
I'm Deja. I will be sharing personal stories of manifestation and more.