For the last 5 years, I have been on the search of my life purpose. If you read my previous blogs, then you may know that I had everything going for me back then. I had a good job as a graphic artist at an apparel company in Los Angeles. However, after learning everything I could at that position, I felt I needed something more challenging and more fulfilling. The truth is, I felt a deep desire to do something greater in the world. I've always had a deep desire to help people but I didn't know how. Mainly, I loved motivating people. I loved drawing and being creative but I got tired of constantly producing new art one after the next. Something about it felt unsettling to me. I love to draw and loved creating designs for garments. I watched my niece get so excited to wear my designs, she showed them off and told everyone that her aunt drew that. But after a while I became sort of overwhelmed and drained with the idea that we have to keep creating over and over and those designs would only be at the store for a few weeks. After that, your beautiful art that you spent so much time heart and soul designing and creating, would be taken off the department floor never to be seen or worn again. And I was on to the next design.
I felt that art was meant to be cherished and also used. I was never a big art on the wall type of person. I like to put my art to use. But I also don’t like it to be disposable. I want it to be something you can keep using. I also really wanted it to help people in some way. And I felt that wearing my designs on clothes did not in anyway make an impact on your life. So I searched for years for a way to transform my art into something tangible. I long for a new outlet for my creations.
Right before I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant, I said to the Universe, I am ready for something new and something more fulfilling. I thought back to when I was truly happy and it was a few years back when I was unemployed. That may sound like I like being lazy and doing nothing, but quite the contrary. I tend to be a workaholic and perfectionist. I am flooded with ideas and a deep desire to create something new. When I was unemployed, I had very little money but I enjoyed working from home taking on occasional freelance jobs, hiking and working out, photographing nature with my digital SLR, and trying to come up with my new business idea. Back then I wanted to silk-screen my own shirt designs but after spending $500 on screen-printing supplies, I was unable to successfully get it to work. It was right after that I got a full-time job. But my deep desire was always to work from home and have the time to enjoy the outdoors and always stay creative.
After giving birth to my son, I made the decision to quit my great job and raise my son full-time. I tried to work from home but it was very difficult to balance being a mother and working and it was draining for me. It was also difficult to get clients. So I just went with the flow of being a mother and tried to surrender to whatever happens, happens. It was when my son was 1-2 that I discovered tarot and oracle cards and quickly fell in love. They are beautiful works of art that you can use over and over. They help guide you. They bring you messages. They inspire you. You can keep it forever. People who own and collect tarot and oracle decks cherish them and I was drawn to that. I wanted to create art that people cherished but that also gave them guidance and some kind of help.
I do not know where my path is leading me, but I feel I am on the right path. I feel that I am back on course. I love what I do, I feel truly fulfilled and fully creative. I don't have anyone telling me what to do or how to change my art or to hurry up because of deadlines. I am not handed other people's art and told to copy it but change it ever so slightly in order to avoid a lawsuit. I feel free and in full control of my own destiny now.
Are you on your life purpose? Have you ever started over to follow your passion? I'd love to hear about it!
I'm Deja. I will be sharing personal stories of manifestation and more.