First, Thank you.
Thank you all who choose my work. You are supporting a creative, hard-working mom who's wanted this for so long. To create art and help others. To live my fullest potential.
In 2014, I quit my job. In 2015 I couldn't afford to live on my own anymore and moved in with family. I started from the bottom now I'm here. It was the darkest 3 years of my life. I felt like a failure. How could i go backwards after having a good job? I used to be married. I was supposed to start a successful business then quit then have a family and buy a house. But my life spiraled. This wasn't supposed to happen to me. I beat myself up a lot for being in that place in my life. I really felt ashamed. But that is where my business started. I wouldn't be here today had I chosen the safe and comfortable road. To keep my job and have a daycare raise my son. I am an INFJ which means i need my space clean and organized in order to create. I am an introvert which means I need to be quiet and alone a lot to decompress and create. That was not available for me for those 3 years. I was not in my comfort zone and being creative was hard for me. It was during those 3 years that I had a secret pregnancy that ended with a secret miscarriage. That followed with a cancer scare, dozens of doctors appointments. I got to meet an oncologist for the first time and see the real scary stuff of life. I finally got cleared after 1 year.
I got to live in a house and when everyone would be gone on vacation I would clean the entire house and pretend it was my house. My very own 5 bedroom house and I was in heaven. There was more flashes of light that I found and I held on to during the darkness. I forced myself to be more present and even miss the days that I lived there. I pictured the future and how I would actually miss having 4 kids in my room watching a movie on my bed. Or being there with my niece and nephews everyday. I would miss the backyard and watching my son play outside with all the kids. So I got more present. I will miss all this light. I moved myself to the light and I spent less time in the darkness.
search for the light
I just kept dreaming of the one day i would move out again and have my life back. But I knew that God or the Universe wouldn’t let me go anywhere until I found the light in that darkness. I kept asking myself why am I here? What do I need to learn from this so I can finally leave? And I knew it was that. I could only see the darkness.
So I searched for the light. When things got really bad where people were yelling and arguing, That is when I searched the hardest. “What could be worse than this?” I would ask myself. And I could easily come up with more horrible scenarios. In an instant I felt grateful for my situation. It was a walk in the park in comparison to what else is out there that I could not handle. When things calmed down I kept searching. “What else?” Well, I have a roof over my head that I don’t pay for or have to worry about. What else? My mom is helping me pay my bills until I can do it on my own again. What else? My son has bonded with his 3 cousins who he called his brothers and sister until I kept correcting him because that’s how close they became. What else?
take the leap
And it was very quickly after that, the window of opportunity knocked and the Universe said to me “it’s time. It is time to move out” I didn't feel ready. I was scared something would go wrong again and I'd have to come crawling back like a failure. But I trusted the guidance. With the help and support of my son’s dad, I very quickly found the perfect apartment that had everything I wanted. I moved out months sooner than I imagined. After I moved out, I found more darkness. But I chose to see it from a new light. I learned from it and overcame it. It's not possible to live without darkness. Darkness is our teacher. We must not dwell on it or let it kill our light. We must just go through it. With practice, we can embrace it. (As I write this a mockingbird, now two mockingbirds came to my window to say hello. I haven't seen them in many months, and they are my favorite bird. This is a sign from the Universe that I am on the right path!)
I once again want to tell you all thank you for supporting my dream, it is because of you I was able to quit my freelance job and focus on creating more card decks. It is all the messages comments and reviews that I receive that keep me going. Everything I experience, I use as inspiration for my card decks. And I trust that that is part of the reason I go through the hard times. I know I am meant to hold that torch and lead those who need to see the light through my cards.
God only gives you what you can handle. It is all for you. Life is our teacher and everything we go through is a lesson. We are always in school. The lessons are there. The light is there. I want to remind you to always search for that light. There is always light in the darkness and I want you to carry a flashlight as a reminder and stay in the light because things do get better but sometimes we must see darkness and hit rock bottom before we can see that light. Choose to see that light every day. For many of you, you are meant to carry that light for others after your darkness. May you all find the light in 2020 And have the best year yet.
Happy New Year
I'm Deja. I will be sharing personal stories of manifestation and more.